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Sounds the Same

By Michael Massee

hoarse horse-------What do you call a stallion with a sore throat?
hale hail -------How do you politely address frozen rain?
lute loot-------What do you call the stealing of an antique guitar?
pen pen--------What do you call the place where you keep your writing instruments?
wry rye-------What do you call a whiskey with a sense of humor?
rode road-------What do you call a well-worn highway?
cheap cheep-------What do you call a bird whistle that is on sale?
pier peer-------What do you call a royal lord who owns a dock?
steer steer-------What do cowboys do?
great grate-------What label do you use to describe an outstanding fire screen?
knit nit-------What do you call a bug in a sweater?
ore or oar-------Which one of these two do you use to row a                                                                            boat?                                                                                                                                                                                         
main mane-------What do you call the best horse in the stable?
lode load-------What do you call a pile of silver ore?
reign rain-------What do you call royal precipitation?
vain vein-------What do you call an artery in love with itself?
bye buy-------What do you say when you pass up a bargain?
flu flew-------What happened when you got your influenza shot?
pale pail-------What do you call a bucket painted white?
steel steal-------What do you call bargain basement iron?
heal heel-------Why do you put an antibiotic salve on your foot?
four for fore-------How many of you will be on the golf course?
so sew-------What did the tailor say to his lazy assistant?
eight ate-------How many guests did you have dine with you?
do dew-------What is the gardener’s request of the weather?
aid ade-------What does sugar do for fruit punch?
thyme time-------Spring is the season for what herb?
pine pine-------What do you call it when a lonely tree yearns for a companion?
hear here-------What should a sign read in a hearing aid store?
mist missed-------Why was the grass dry this morning?
right rite-------What do you call a gathering of conservative politicians?
write right-------What shouldn’t you ask a left handed person to do?
plain plane-------What do you call a jet with no identifying lettering?
new gnu-------What do you call a just born antelope?
sun son-------What did the doctor tell the very pale man to do?
pa paw-------What is another name for your father’s hand?
gym Jim-------Who is the guy with the washboard abs?
jean gene -------What do you call denim DNA?
damn dam-------What did the blocked stream complain about to the busy beaver?
can can-------What did the farmer answer when his wife complained about his     
                         growing too many tomatoes?

key quay-------What do you call a very important dock?
hare hair-------If what is on top of your head looks like a frightened rabbit what 
                           condition do you have?

weight wait-------What is it called when you are standing in line at a scale?
shoo shoe------How do you politely tell a sneaker to get out of here?
won one-------How many tennis games have you aced?
flower flour-------What is another word for plant pollen?
peek peak--------What is another name for a mountain with a scenic lookout?
caught cot-------What do you call a captured bed?
dear deer-------What do you call a sweet little fawn?
mite might-------What could bite a boy scout while he is out camping?
flea flee--------What do you see when you give your dog a bath?
tee tea-------What iced drink do you partake of when you golf?
see sea-------What did the baby say when she viewed the ocean?
choo chew-------What does a locomotive do when it gets hungry?
seen scene-------What do you say if you’re invited to a movie you’ve already

meet meat-------What did the participants eat at the race?
port port-------What wine goes well with the sea shore?
felt felt-------What did the costume designer do in the fabric store?
nose knows-------What did the hotel guest tell the manager about the room’s bad

sweet suite-------What did the happy hotel guest say about her room?
ware wear-------What do you call scratches on an old frying pan?
sent cent scent-------Which eau de coin did the parfumier ship to the banker?
vice vise-------What torture device do the police use on pimps?
soar sore-------How do you feel after eight hours of flying in a glider?
pole poll-------What do you call a survey of metal pipe?
Him hymn-------What do you call a song dedicated to a higher power?
hi high-------What greeting do you use when you finally get stoned?
delhi deli-------What do you call an Indian sub shop?
feet feat-------What would you call completing a twenty mile hike?
hide Hyde-------What was Dr. Jekyll able to do?
made maid-------What did the evil lord of the manor do to the serving wench?
sage sage-------What do you call an herb purchased from a wise man?
ho hoe-------What do you call a laughing garden tool?
ewe yew-------What do you call a shrub that looks like a sheep?
pane pain-------What do you call a crack in a window?
fast fast-------What do you call not eating for a short time?
heard herd-------Why did the cowboy, sleeping out on the range, wake up?
mark Mark-------What did the gang leader tell his members to do to a rival?
maim Mame-------What did the gang leader tell his members to do to his rival’s

know Noh-------What should every Japanese actor be aware of?
shag shag-------What does a Brit call a rug on which one has intimate relations?
Red read-------What did the class say when the ginger-haired boy recited from a

sink sync-------What do you call it if the color of the bathroom basin matches the
                           color of the toilet?

holiday holiday-------What do you call it when you’re painting a wall on July 4th and
                                       the paint leaves a drip mark?

ham ham-------What do you call a short wave radio operator who is a show off?
lam lamb-------What do you call a young sheep on the run?
rime rhyme-------What do you call a poem about an icy frost?
beat beet-------What do you call a tired vegetable?
wood would-------If you were building a house what product works best?
Tern turn--------A circle made in the sky by a seabird is called what?
fair fare-------What do you call the cost of admission to a carnival?
mall maul-------What do you call a flash mob in a shopping center?
orderly orderly-------What do you call a nurse who is extra neat?
sell cell-------What did the enterprising prisoner offer to do to get more cigarettes?
dual duel-------What do you call it when a set of twins challenges two enemies to a
                            fight to the death?

gorilla guerrilla-------What do you call an ape who started a revolution?
male mail-------What do you call a postal delivery for men only?
real reel------- With what did the movie studio replace some fake footage?
ant aunt-------What do you call a Formicides’ mother’s sister?
blew blue-------What happened when the man, standing in the freezing cold, 
                             breathed out into the frigid air?

bare bear--------What do you call a Grizzly that has lost all its hair?
fairy ferry-------What do the forest elves use to cross the magic pond?
fairy ferry-------What do you call a gay cruise ship?
idle idol-------What do you call a famous star who is out-of-work?
night knight-------What was the name of the Crusader who only appeared after

sole soul--------What do you call the heart of a fish?
plumb plum-------What do you call a fruit that hangs on the tree vertically correct?
gay Gaye-------What words would you use to describe your very happy friend?
derrick Derek-------What do they call your friend who mans a construction crane?
our hour-------The time we spend together is called what?
pool pool-------What do you call a billiards game played in a pond?
stayed staid------When the serious leader remained true to himself what did he do?
lean lien-------What do you call a legal hold on a property of very little worth?
boll bowl-------What do you call a dish made out of cotton seeds?
some sum-------What did the debtor say when he saw what he owed?
wore War-------What cologne did Ares wear when going into battle?
none nun-------What did the priest answer when Sister asked him how many sins                          
                             had he committed?

pore pour-------What is it called when you sweat profusely?
steep steep-------What do you call a very expensive brand of tea?
chute shoot------What is it called when one speeds down a water slide?
wear where-------What did the father ask his daughter when he saw the tiny bikini
                                 she had just bought?

rot wrought-------What did the repairman blame for the hole in the roof?
we whee-------What sound do we make when we’re having fun?
madder madder-------What do you call a very angry red color?
stile style-------What do you call a fashionable stair step?
matte mat-------What do you call a gym rug that is not shiny?
add ad-------What did the manufacturer ask of the magazine editor?
lye lie-------What do you call a caustic fib?
lone loan-------What do you call it when you apply for a one time influx of money?
minor miner-------What do you call a boy who digs tunnels?
mic Mike-------What nick name do you use to describe your friend the DJ?
dawn Don-------What do you call your friend who is an early riser?
eerie Erie-------How do you describe one of the Great Lakes when it looks spooky?
fax facts-------What did the detective ask the sheriff to do?
gnat Nat-------What do you call your friend Nathan the Entomologist?
earn urn-------What do you get when your dog wins the Best in Show?
light light-------What do you call a lamp that has lost weight?
hides hides-------What does the leather maker do to protect his supplies?
whine wine-------What beverage do you drink when you are sad and angry?
days daze-------What do you get when you go for weeks without proper rest?
I  eye-------What does yours truly do when a pretty woman walks by?
coal Cole-------What do you call your friend the miner?
raise rays-------What do biologists breed at the Sea World laboratories?
six sicks-------How many patients have the illness?
ail ale-------What do you call sick beer?
sail sale-------What do you call a discounted jib?
prey pray------What do animals do when they’re hunted?
anti ante-------What do we call a person who is against gambling?
taught taut-------What did the Captain teach the sailor about knot tying?
chic sheik-------What do you call a fashionable Arab leader?
knot naught-------What do you call an untied shoelace?
hairy Harry-------What do you call your hirsute friend?
guilt gilt-------What do you call that gold bracelet you stole?
fair fare-------What do you call the food sold at a carnival?
tart tart-------What do you call a lemon pastry?
tart tart-------What do you label a call girl with a sharp tongue?
present present-------What do you do at a birthday party?
stable stable-------What do you call a well-built horse barn?
pupil pupil-------What do we call someone who is studying Ophthalmology?

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